Paleo Pooping, The Clean, Natural Way to Drop Dirt!!

I was sitting there thinking, “damn I don’t have crap to write about,” when suddenly it dawned on me: Poop! Now don’t get grossed out, nobody can see your computer screen, give me a chance. My dad once told me, shocked me really, by saying after a particularly long time spent in the outhouse (yes, outhouse), “You know Paul, nobody really celebrates bowel movements, people always talk about sex but nobody celebrates a good bowel movement!” (He lives alone). I was totally disgusted by his words but they stuck with me and in some ways prepared me for my future. You see I work on a hotshot crew, a group of 20 firefighters that regularly spend two weeks camped out in the woods. We quickly run out of conversation topics, but somehow we always find a way back to the corn-backed rattler. We have a fascination with feces, we actually call toilet paper, “mountain money,” and let me tell you, after a couple of days of eating MREs (meals-ready-to-eat) the exchange rate goes up! My firefighting career has been one of the main reasons I can attest to the benefits of paleo pooping, the cleaner, more natural way to defecate.

So the topic I want to cover today is the paleo pooping method and its numerous health benefits. I know the Paleo diet is all the rage right now and I am a believer. Not only is the paleo diet popular but also cross-fit training--I.E. training like a caveman. The reason I believe in this ancient diet and training style is simple. Humans evolved on certain foods and on certain activities. We ate nuts and berries, fish and lean meats---rabbits, deer and the sort. We exercised regularly in short intense bursts (killing that deer) and also in long slow walks, a nomadic people with no cars. I am a believer in the paleo fad because the human body was designed to accomplish these certain tasks, and in the scheme of things, we evolved not all that long ago. But now, suddenly, we are no longer required to do these daily tasks and we can easily buy a loaf of bread without expending too much energy. The convenience of agriculture, the internal combustion engine, and such is taking a toll on our bodies. I am not a dogmatist on the paleo diet or paleo exercise (hold on a sec, my pasta water is boiling) but I try to lean in that direction. Paleo pooping is something that I also have been trying to move towards, (weak pun intended) something I strive towards, if you will.

So what is paleo pooping? How did our ancestors poop, and why should I care? The Paleo people certainly didn’t have the high toilet bowls that we use on a daily basis here in the United States, an evil, lazy invention. I have been lucky enough to have experienced the benefits of the Paleo pooping method for extended periods twice in my life.

My first experience of paleo pooping came from a trip to India during my early teenage years. In India, the bathroom is different monster then what we are used to in the United States. There is no toilet bowl! I remember walking into a bathroom where there were literally two foot shaped pedals positioned slightly in front of a ceramic hole on the floor. “What the heck am I supposed to do with that?” I thought. But nature called and I pulled down my trousers and tried to position myself into place over the hole. I couldn’t do it! My western legs wouldn’t let me squat over the hole without using my hand to balance me. It was an uncomfortable nightmare. I managed to awkwardly accomplish the task and then looked around for the toilet paper. No toilet paper--that is why Indians eat with their right hand, if you get my drift. After having used these toilets multiple times and practicing my, "Asian squat," (see video below) I found that although I carried toilet paper with me---It became almost unnecessary! It seemed that my bowel movement came more easily and with less mess!

My first discovery of how great the squat-paleo-pooping method is, was soon lost when I returned to "luxuries" of the United States. I wasn't reminded of the superior method until I was forced to poop outdoors on fire crews. That's when I noticed it again. After digging a hole the paleo squat poop had to be applied once again! The pure ease of the release, the easy clean up, swipe up swipe down and you are done! Just make sure to bury that corn back-rattler because they can come back to bite you later. With all the sh*t talking that goes on with the crew, I find that my coworkers have also found the same experience with the paleo squat poop. A twenty person consensus, agreeing on the ease of release and the almost non-existent clean up that the outdoor squat pooping provides!

* Some two-thirds of the world’s population squat to defecate

* Squatting helps us avoid painful hemorrhoids, reduces the time required to do our business, and has even been cited in medical studies as an activity that can help reduce the risk of colon cancer.

* "We were not meant to sit on toilets, we were meant to squat in the field." -- Michael Freilich, --- Proctologist

* "People can control their defecation, to some extent, by contracting or releasing the anal sphincter. But that muscle can't maintain continence on its own. The body also relies on a bend between the rectum—where feces builds up—and the anus—where feces comes out. When we're standing up, the extent of this bend, called the anorectal angle, is about 90 degrees, which puts upward pressure on the rectum and keeps feces inside. In a squatting posture, the bend straightens out, like a kink ringed out of a garden hose, and defecation becomes easier."

-Excerpt taken from Slate magazine---

Here is a link to those still skeptical, a great article by Slate magazine:http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2010/08/dont_just_sit_there.html

Here is an article I wrote if you are interested in getting paid to poop in the woods:

http://paulstaley1.hubpages.com/hub/howtobecomeahotshotfirefighter

Here is one last self promotion for those who are interested in being more original:

http://paulstaley1.hubpages.com/hub/howtobemoreoriginalin4easysteps